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JESSbelikeWHOA
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Name: jessica
Birthday: 9/14/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: things that i <3 are as follows: manga, art, banter, comics, music, pervy jokes, my cats, hair dye, eye shadow, nice people, second chances
Expertise: arts and singing.. yes this too i can do... and im good too if you could imagine! i can belch like no other... oh yeah i can be funny given the right moments of day... if not im bitchy... is that an expertise?
Occupation: Artist
Industry: Entertainment
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  JESSbelikeWHOA
Member Since:
5/22/2005
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| NEROZR0 (8:56:28 PM): he's 30 and living at home. that's all of it. JESSbelikeWHOA (8:56:50 PM): he could be doing more, he's a licenced chiropractor JESSbelikeWHOA (8:57:20 PM): but for some reason he refuses to get a job, he says there r more chiropractors in practice here than there are mcdonalds NEROZR0 (8:59:12 PM): the racism and elitism are also dead giveaways. hes just a low functioning loser who blames the world around him for his problems but knows they are really due to himself. hence, his misery. JESSbelikeWHOA (8:59:28 PM): yeah JESSbelikeWHOA (8:59:43 PM): i think he knows that too, just he just to proud to admit it NEROZR0 (9:01:33 PM): thats my diagnosis. he's a loser who doesnt want to stop being a loser. you are one of many brief vacations where some girl, usually a decade or so younger than him, goes through a period of interest in him before she realizes what an ass he is. no wonder you make him feel better, you let him think there may be some reason other than himself his life sucks JESSbelikeWHOA (9:02:12 PM): he does mention the generation gap A LOT NEROZR0 (9:02:53 PM): he talks about it so you will say it doesnt matter NEROZR0 (9:03:10 PM): thereby excusing him from worrying about it JESSbelikeWHOA (9:04:11 PM): so whats the other reason that his life sucks other than himself? NEROZR0 (9:06:02 PM): you liking him just lets him entertain his fantasies of outside forces ruining his life, since he must have redeeming value if you like him, right? wrong, he just acts in a way that makes certain nurturing types vulnerable. JESSbelikeWHOA (9:06:17 PM): i see JESSbelikeWHOA (9:07:56 PM): i think your right
NEROZR0 (9:08:17 PM): my advice is dont waste your energy
John is full of such useful infomation... | | |
| So today was my first day of class for the semester. I desided to take painting with the shocking surprise its an oil painting class. I'm a tad intimedated by that seeing as how I've never used oil paints before (which is exciting, really it is...) but I'm also upset because I especially don't have the money for such a class to buy all new painting supplies to accomidate the oils... I love a challenge but unfortunetly I'm not sure I can afford this one...
we'll see what happens...
In other non-art related news which is a bit more journal entry-esque last night I don't think I've ever been made to feel as repulsive as David made me feel... We're complete opposites but we get along so well and communicate well but lately he wants to play this stupid indian giver game. I'm not in the business to play games... and nither should a 30 year old man...
when we first started hanging out I kept my distance cause he never invited me to be casually physical with him (i.e. hugs, hold hangs, rub his back etc. etc.) but then we went bowling and he said it was ok, he wasnt going to bite... i was still hesitant and just put the thought on the back burner, waiting for more of an invite. Well over the phone the night before he said he had been holding back a lot because of the DC situation so I figured it was ok now that we both knew how we felt to become a bit more outgoing with eachother, y'know lets have fun before he goes... Granted I still kept physical respect to him... and then last night an innocent arm grab turned into a big deal. He jerked away so violently and disgustingly told me to back off. I felt dirty... its almost trivial writing it now which I guess is a good thing putting the situation into perspective and getting over it... but was I really in the wrong and did I deserve such a disgusted responce? I was so fustrated with him last night.... it was stupid | | |
| So a month has slowly dragged by sence my last entry and it was about David, a person I really hadn't expect to get much from aside from work aquaintence... It took a month but we've gone out twice this week already and talk on the phone. Unlike most guys whom I had interest in they never really were good at conversation. David is the only one so far who strikes and keeps my interest. Granted he does say dude and man a lot, which is like the female equivilant to "And Like..." but like moving next to a train, the noise will bother you for a week and then after that you'll never hear it again. I like and enjoy him a lot, unfortunetly logic has reared its ugly head and has reminded me that he'll be going to D.C. in Feburary... he's a good friend but anything past that will be a wasted investment and unfortunetly I can't help but feel that there wants to be something more there with him than just friend... Its true, you really can't choose who you fall for. When he asked me out it was a bit of a shock... I really hadn't seen that coming... not at all. I certainly also didn't expect for me to be so highly regarded on a mental level by him either... granted I can tell I'm not his physical type... I was thinking about all this tonight as we hung out at the mall and he was lookin at the porn -_-;; I will never look like one of those girls, and even though he asked me to hang out I know he'll never get past that physical inferiority as much as he'd want to he never will... and I got depressed and started thinking again how I'll always remain the fat funny friend... i'll never be anything more than a thing to mess with as long as the other person is drunk enough... it reminded me of prom, nathan, jimmy, alex, james... all drunk and desperate and how I was dumb enough to let myself feel like if I don't do this it will never happen again... I tricked myself into thinking that it was me being an oppertunist to make the situation seem a bit more right but instead it was me feeling worthless and unworthy of a real relationship... I feel so worthless. Why did you give me worth or at least the misleading feeling of worth? It won't be worth anything in the end when you leave... | | |
| happy december y'all.
Starting the month off a tad pissed off... the night before after a ton of drama over nothing caused my room mate Steve to go and get completely drunk and destroy all my things. Including a birthday cake I had baked for someone... I NEVER BAKE! I can hardly cook... and to have him destroy the cake I was making for this guy I like at work was the douchiest thing you could ever do. He also broke my halloween flower pot in the bathroom and came into my room and tampered with my BRAND NEW LAPTOP!
If there was ever a case this big of displaced anger for no fucking reason this was it.
We had his stuff packed up this morning and put in his car... well lo and behold he's back... and Alex is spreading her legs farther than ever. Cause y'see, I was asleep before typing this but their sex was so fucking loud It literally woke me up and caused me enough anger to sit here and type this rant.
So lemmie tell ya about this guy at work that I baked the cake for, David. He's tall, broad shouldered, nice dark eyes and a complete asshole! (Surpisingly not the type I usually fall for as far as looks) But he's an asshole in a good way though... like his whole attitude is really up front and honest which I really like. Its a lot like mine so he's really easy to talk to and funny. Thing is he just turned 30... but I dont care!! he's never been married so there isnt any baggage it seems.. my goodness... We share the same cold bitterness toward the world... my heart hasn't pounded for a guy like this sence Richard. There have been guys before, Jimmy, Nathan, James... but none make me want to go to the effort to bake them cakes and just say, "Oh David.... <3" to myself... Its funny sence he started working at Steak n Shake when he was my age lol but he ended up becoming a chiropractor, but cause he wouldnt kiss his boss's ass he got fired... He has two jobs lined up one in Washington and one in South County, but till then he's making money at SnS....
He really showed apperciation for the cake (as juvinille as the offering was) he accepted it and showed real concern about my life here in the appartment with Steve... He's probably not doing it on purpose but there has been little lead ons... But I'm sure he considers me to be too young... I hope I can show him that I'm a strong independant woman that I really am and come around... I'd love nothing more than to stop fucking hurting so much on the inside all the time... I've become quite the cynic. I think I'm ready to feel again... right now its an extremely sad hurt but maybe... just maybe i'll finally be able to meet someone and have a relationship... 20 fucking years of trying i earned it to be loved finally... i really want it to be my time finally.
Oh, David.... | | |
| burn. I'm sick and tired of being built up by men just so they can burn me like he did. I loved that picture. Next time I see him he's getting an earful and I WILL vent and rage all my man fustration on him. | | |
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